Well, here’s a new one. The new check out at Sam’s is: cart to one side, member to the other. Kinda simple process if you’ve been there lately. I think I understand the logic behind the change. More self-check outs to use, but my order sizes usually require help. So, last night…off I go – with flat-bed.. – to register #3(?) ….
One employee empties your cart/flat-bed while another scans. I get it. This is a daily thing for me….sometime 2x per day. I zone out. Usually think about why there are so many rings around Saturn, why my shoe laces are uneven, why the man two lanes over is waaaay shorter than his girlfriend/wife, or why I’m even thinking about anything at all….
And then there’s Kelly. Who (or, whom?) I never even knew until last night. Ah, yes. Kelly.
The process begins. Member card. Check. Beep. Followed by multiple beeps. I casually glance at product ….after product….after…..product…af..ter…p (hey why IS he so much shorter? She’s wearing a vertical striped shirt which makes her look taller than she is … maybe he’s not THAT short?)… rolls, cheese, rolls, sausage, sausage…on and on and ….wait!!…is that….Jalapeno Artichoke Dip?….
Suddenly I see hands lunging across my sacred Sam’s club space in lane #3. Uh oh! On the video receipt I see JAD appearing along with cheese sticks (not mine either). Panic. Aisle #3. 8:15 PM. Sam’s Altoona. Apparently, the next order of Kelly’s has mingled with mine …. Oh no!!
Well, not really. Two employees. One really tired, but well dressed (ahem) piano player – hot dawg salesman jammed in between two events, coming from church buying a cr*p load of supplies …. and Kelly. Ah, Kelly. Keeeelly.
Finally loaded up. The extra diet coke rung up by mistake since taken off my bill, rolls finally organized in such a way to satisfy my OCD, and the short-dude-tall-chick long since gone, I find myself face to face with ….. Kelly, and an unpaid bill. And a decision.
She says, “Oh, you must keep the JAD. It’s delicious! I don’t know you (no sh*t!)…do you like cheese sticks??”
“No (God, no)”
“But, I will go get another JAD for myself. You must keep (by default, PAY) that… it’s really good!!”
“Ok, I will…can I pay now? I hate artichokes, by the way…”
“Doesn’t matter. This is great dip.”
“If it doesn’t matter, then why not call it just “jalapeno dip?”
Cashier: “?”
So, long story short – I leave. Only reason I know her name? In the process of walking away from the register, I saw her card come up on the display welcoming her in the system.
Ah, Kelly. Thanks for the laughs. And for the Jalapeno Artichoke Dip.

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