There’s nothing like nothing.
Pretty much a whole day wasted on bills, errands, to-dos, and miscellaneous, mindless meddling in necessary life’s mundane activities. One planned trip around a corner branched off into two more “why not since here?” scurries to other “whys?” in the road where, of course, another destination awaited.
It’s not those payments, plans, and preparations didn’t need to be done. Today, however, wasn’t the day designated for such fun. It was to be hours of relaxation after a short commitment this morning at a local school. We are to be the masters of our time, not the other way around?
Convenience took over. I know of no other explanation. A “why not?” theme took over my symphony of serenity. I stepped up to the podium expecting to conduct one small errand. Considering the well orchestrated list of bills and preparations on a list – well scored in my portfolio sitting quietly to my right – I had no choice but to lift the convenience baton and begin directing.
All my players were close and within cooperating distance. So, “why not?” … without regard to the time it was going to take. This was, in retrospect, not a little minuet as it turned out. More at hand an extended, multi-movement opus including multiple stops, some electronic communications, busy traffic, many players of varying expertise, and time … lots of time. A rather complicated score to handle with little preparation.
For one who was only prepared for calm and relaxation, quite a change.
As the coda came to a close around six-thirty this evening, a curtain of relief came down on the stage. The orchestra quieted down to a welcomed silence. No more traffic. No more time. Done.
And so nothing like getting no relaxing in … and nothing like that feeling of getting a lot done when not expecting to.
Is this a paradox? So says google: “A situation that appears self-contradictory or illogical at first, but actually reveals a hidden or deeper truth.” I thought so at first, but not really.
Nothing happened I wanted to do, but a lot got done I didn’t want to do … but am glad got done – after all was done.
Maybe it falls along that procrastination fine line? You know you “should” do a thing … keep putting it off … glad it’s done when finally finished?
Don’t want to read too much into all this. Find it mildly entertaining I spent valuable time being slightly irritated – giving into impulses to satisfy non-urgent obligations … only to be happy about it later. The self-diagnosing psychiatrist in me would simply like to know what condition this is.
If there isn’t one, that’s fine. I’ll just go back to the refrigerator, crack open a pack of chocolate chip cookies and a diet soda. Life can be more easily understood under a sugar high, anyway.
Good news. The next few days I have less bills to pay, less planning to do, and just a little prep. work for next week’s partial work schedule and hopeful relaxation carve-out.
After all, if Bernstein and Karajan were allowed breaks from their prestigious podiums, I should be given respite from my life’s directorial responsibilities once in a while, too.
