There’s a well-worn joke I like to tell: “Why should you always have an extra pair of socks in your golf bag? In case you get a hole-in-one”.
Ok, so not bad. Not good. Just so-so?
Holes have been popping up lately in various, even homophonic, forms this week. I’ve heard, “You’re not going to eat the whole thing now, are you?”. “You know we have whole wheat wraps as well, right?”.
I actually had to physically dig a 2’x3’x3′ hole this past Wednesday followed up with a 20′ trench. The whole thing took hours of mindless spade time I could have used for a thousand other things. Digging through soil and clay isn’t on my list of pleasant pursuits. Had to be done.
What didn’t have to be done?
Two big toes of mine are sore from an owner irresponsibly smashing them on a small iron post located in a, err …, hole. Once in and once out of a door way – at our local church – this lazy, now, limper forgot that iron post marker was there to protect the location of a special hole. It’s special all right. I, simply, was in too much of a hurry “twice” 😫… to remember it was there while cutting the corner of the walkway.
Which gets me to why I need humor in my life. Or, attempted humor. Why? To offset the partially stupid things I do to upset my mental applecart at times.
“How many holes are in a straw?” This question was asked by an elementary friend recently. She posts interesting questions on a board to pique youthful interest as students arrive. There were two possible answers offered: 1 or 2.
As I usually enter early, time is on my side to ponder possible parenthetical, possible answers to any proposed problems posted. This extra time also allows for conversation with my friend who writes the questions. She and I, sometimes, have spirited discussions about most of the topics/questions/quizzes posted. The other day was a partial in-depth, ninety-second discussion concerning the dominant color on a zebra. See? Really important stuff!
So, anyway. 1 or 2 holes? …
With a few elementary kids around and, by my guess, younger teachers within ear shot, … my best response was:
“Depends on whether or not there was a turkey in it, or not?” … followed up by a little do-do- dododo-dododododododo … musical enforcement to drive the point home.
Nothing. Except one good friend who gave me the usual small head nod and little “I got that, but it was really bad” eye roll acceptance glance.
In my mind I had material and timing. Both necessary for complete success … Just not the audience. So, later at choir practice I tried it again. Material, timing, and an adult audience. Nada. Zero. Nothing.
A comedic black hole. It circled the event horizon twice and then spaghettified into the abyss where time stopped – never to be heard again.
Honestly, I thought it truly was a hole-in-one.
Oddly enough, “one”, scientifically is the correct answer to the question as confirmed by a high school student later in the day. Not only by him, but also by a donut-loving elementary student earlier.
Never mind I thought “two” – one on each end. Reason being: that hole I dug a few days ago is one hole – one entry point, not two. So, does a straw, by comparison, have only one as well. Eh?
… and with that, I will stick to what I believe to be the hole truth and nothing but the hole truth.
DougHugs 