Certainly was a different time. Decades ago, to be frank. That very tree is gone, the uncomfortable sneaks and entire outfit were standard early 80’s, and those shades I remember well. This wasn’t a senior picture portfolio shoot or young men’s magazine ad modeling submission (thank heavens 😉). It’s just a young me standing beside a tree … doing absolutely nothing.
… And I honestly believe it was the last time I did that.
Somehow I learned how to be busy all the time soon after this picture was taken. A skill lasting well into my 6th decade of life. A wonderful journey, of course, since then. Up, down, and every plausible direction in between has been a bucket of moments spilling over into channels of lifelong memories. Being busy, active, and engaged in life – with people, especially – is a certain, special kind of constant immersion I’m glad life has afforded me.
There was the loss of loved ones, disappointment and happiness, financial want and success, sickness and healing, learning, rejection … all at the hands of others – and I would not exchange one second for something different. Out of each experience came a better me, if necessary. If not, I remained active in educating myself: understanding the “why” as I’ve written about previously.
“Why” is important to me. Yeah, probably just to me, but this keeps my mind busy. To a fault, I need to understand the “why” behind a lot of crazy that stirs in my busy stew pot even today. Folks make decisions that indirectly, or directly, make my life go, “Huh?”, and I ask myself, “Why you do that?” as they merrily go on their way giving it no second thought. I busily stew unnecessarily. It is an acquired skill. Ruminating over their ruthlessness is still worthwhile, in my opinion, because stress is released into the universe. In addition, weight is lost pacing endlessly back and forth over well-worn tread marks in the carpet.
Tonight, I had such a moment. The end of my evening event presented a “why” moment as a conversation went nowhere. Three explanations hit a brick wall. I couldn’t get my point across to save all the mustard left in China’s largest squeeze bottle. She just didn’t hear my words and listen to what I was saying. So frustrating. Why? Why did she make the decision earlier that affected my business so negatively? Why didn’t she understand my possible remedy for the future? Why did I walk away feeling disrespected?
People are still people. I’m no different, but I do know what I know. Nice is nice. Mistakes happen. I’m busy seemingly all the time and make goof-ups appear normal. I get it. Understanding others’ motivations or reasons for what they do, however, scrambles my brain – keeping me really busy all the freakin’ time.
All the time educating myself on how to better handle these situations.
It will be my “busy” for however many decades I have left on this spinning large blue, weird-shaped ball. I’ll never completely understand why people do what they do. I have a sense that I’m not supposed to, either. In the end, what would be the point of it, anyway? The process of learning how to better cope with frustration and disappointment? Maybe. The “whys?” are almost always associated with downslopes and dismays, so …🤔
Being busy, active, and engaged with people, like I wrote, is my thing – my lifeline to experiences I need to have. With those come the inevitable breakdowns that force the “whys” into existence. Yeah, sure … sometimes even “Why me?” jumps out of the pot and I don’t have an an answer from me to me. Go figure.
It’s all good, though. I don’t want to go back to the early 80’s. I want my hair and health back from those days, however, and possibly the cool shades. I also want my mom back who took the picture.
All of those are not possible, of course. Time doesn’t return. It moves forward … constantly reminding us of our limited time to grow, learn, and experience all we can.
I should start asking “why?” to learn about the virtuous surrounding me. Focusing on “why is there so much good in the world?” may be a better use of my busy mind than pressing more carpet flatly into the floor. Understanding that people are just people and do their people-thing up to their current ability may be the best path forward. Experiencing the experience of a life lived while doing absolutely nothing would be wonderful to revisit once again.
Probably with a more comfortable pair of sneakers this time.